Free writing. Free writing. I do not know what to write. I do not know what to focus on. There are one million thoughts running through my head. Of course I am exaggerating. The neighbors are loud. They are always loud. Kids always crying. And they always smoke. Their cigar and cigarette smoke seep into our windows and through the walls sometimes. The down fall of living in a row house. When I grow up, I’m gonna live in a single home. Ha! I think I’m funny and that’s all that matters. I am already an adult but I don’t think I made it to the grown up part yet. I want to write. I want to finish my story, my book, my novella. What ever it will be I want to get to the end but I am stuck. I need to get unstuck because I gave myself a deadline and I have to stick to it. My deadline is the day before my thirty seventh birthday. July eighth. I can not turn another year with this story unfinished. I know I have problems with endings. I know I do. And it is probably indicative of some larger deep seated issue… is the term deep seeded or deep seated? Hmmmm…. I will have to google that later. Anyway, this work thing gets in the way of my writing. Okay, not really. That is the excuse that keeps popping into my head. I need to rid myself of excuses. I know what my problem is and I do not want to admit it. I am a people pleaser. It is so hard for me to say no. I actually feel bad when I do. Okay, no. I can’t publish this. I actually don’t know if that is an accurate description of the issue. I think I just care too much. I want every one to be okay and so I do my best to try to help make that happen. Okay, did I just say the same thing just a bit wordier? Probably. I will figure it out once I re-read this piece. I think I can’t focus on my piece because I have adult onset A.D.D. Yes, I often partake in self-diagnosis. Judge your mother! I have a massive sinus pressure headache that I have been battling most of my work day. I just got home about an hour ago to my headache meds so hopefully they kick in soon. Did you know that you have to swipe/ scan your state i.d. to purchase these meds? Apparently, its an ingredient in making crystal meth. What the fuck? People are absolutely batshit crazy… going through all of that to escape reality? Just don’t be here. Screw it. They should just take the express train to the upper room so the rest of us can just buy headache meds without a problem and not have to worry about the person next door blowing up the neighborhood trying to be a do-it- yourself chemist just to get high. Any way, all that rant for what? Just to use the term batshit crazy! Ha! Funny! I did not know twenty minutes was so long. And I can barely keep my eyes open because of the friggin headache. Come on over-the-counter-but-not meds.. kick in already! I have to stop.